Cindy is finally attached!! Words can't express my joy and happiness for her... I have been praying for a good man to appear in her life. She deserves the best she could get.. On our cg appreciation at Riverwalk about 2 weeks back... We opened up my time capsule. And i read what I wrote in the beginning of 2009. I was disappointed... cos NONE of the goals I wrote was acheived. Its really saddening... I feel so discouraged. Let me list the goals i wrote:

1) Good paying job with great colleauges ---> Im still a temp with a pathetic hourly rate of $6.50

2) Left with 2 modules to complete my degree ---> I failed Macro and so im left with 3 modules

3) Bring 3 friends to church ---> No potential new friends came

4) Continue to Compose the song that I started with a demo ---> I didn't even touch my guitar or organ

5) Do well in my Ministry (Choir and Nursery) ---> I quit choir and seldom serve in nursery now

6) Cindy Png will be attached to a good man of her expected qualities ---> Tat day i open the letter she wasn't attached yet. And i didn't know she was dating someone too... Hahas.

So u see.... none of my wishes/goals actually fufilled.... except for the very last one... HAHAHA... Even though this achievement is not for me... but im extremly happy. :) Really truely happy. I pray hard he will treat her well... protect, guard and love Cindy with all his life..

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Another happy event is my cousin Yunhui is married... And I feel so touched when i attended her wedding last night.. she looked georgeous in her wedding gown. She was Miss Singapore Universe finalist in 2005 and now she's a lawyer! Im not very close to her.. But im so proud of her. She grew up in a broken family.. but her mum which is my Jiu mu was very strong and raised the 3 girls single handedly.. She's a really independant woman and I can't help but respect her. Yest was also like a reunion with my relatives. I haven't seen some cousins for decades and its a strange feeling seeing them again... abit awkward but happy. They are full fledged adults.. in their late 20s and early 30s... To them im still a baby... Hahas. We never talk much but im really pleased with seeing them again... my auntie keep pinching my cheeks and repeat so many times that Im so Cute...  Lols... My uncle was really happy for this occasion that he drank so much and got drunk. I think he can't hold his alcohol well... I drank abt 5 or 6 glasses and im still sober. We had a hard time sending him home.... he wanted to touch me and later said he wanna kill me... Dear keep asking me to stay away from him. Hahas... actually im used to it.. from young i have always seen him in this state. Another broken family, cos of the father's alcoholism, his 2 daughters dislike going home and now they all moved out... sigh sometimes i pity him.... Anyways! This is supposed to be a happy post! I feel that being able to get married with the person u love is a blessing, a happiness that cannot be contain, knowing in your heart u are going to spend the rest of your life together is something so amazing... even though there will be many ups and downs, but because of Love, marriage life can be blissful and the couple will always support and trust each other. Seeing her getting married makes me wonder about my dream wedding with dear..

I sincerely hope that Yunhui will lead a married life opposite from her mum's... God bless her!

Okay back to my books now... I was just bored and decided to blog... hahas.

Sad, disappointed, discouraged, moody, emo is what I have been experiencing for the past few weeks... Nothing is going well for me... not in my work ($800 per month is freaking little), not in my studies (I still dun have the motivation and discipline to study), not in my family (Even though Im used to it but I still hope things will improve), not in relationship. I quarrelled with dear quite fiercely this week, very very upset... its one of the biggest arguement and its killing me. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and give up. Everything in my life is so bland and colourless.... Dear has 2 filming assignments coming up admist a pay increment (probably) in his job... and there's still no breakthrough for me. Im trusting God everyday and I try to think positively... Everyday Im just going through the motion.... living day by day, hoping for my miracle to come and yet i also end up sick and tired... Im sick and tired of being sick and tired... Truely, there's no other way out for me. Sometimes I just have to resign to my fate. Probably this is the life God wants me to lead.. I just have to gladly accept it. Cos right now i only have 2 choices: Press On or Die. Both choices are equally tormenting even though the latter is the easy way out...

I find myself staring into space so frequently... I can't focused, no motivation and no inspiration.

Its so difficult being ME.

Today is 3rd Jan 2010. Im 3 days late to write my new year resolution. Had countdown at vivo city  - an event from channel 8. Dear stayed overnight at my house and next day went swimming at our condo... Each year is passing faster and I feel as though i acheived nothing... the feeling is terrible... Hopefully this year i will have greater breakthroughs in the career path that I intend to go, in my studies in May and also relationship with Dear. As for my family, i dun expect much, just for more peace and harmony and my parents to be strong and healthy.

1) I want to get my driving license by this year.

2) I want to pass my exams and graduate smoothly.

3) Hope me and dear can get that queenstown flat, or any other BTO flats. (Probably R.O.M too? Hahas)

4) More acting opportunities for me.. and the role will get bigger and better each time. I also want to go into a full time career when i graduate that involves the entertainment, media or arts scene - backstage or in the limelight.

5) To practise on my organ and guitar more often, and pen down my composed songs. This was something I didn't even start doing last year.... full of regrets... I wonder where has my passion for music gone. Has reality open up my eyes? I used to be so fervent for music, but now i lost my dream.. Hopefully I can find back the passion i once had....

6) Hope my spiritual walk with God will become stronger... I will always Love God no matter what happens. And for Dear to love God more..

Yesterday was W480 and W452 Christmas Party at Laguna Country Club. Last year's appreciation was also at this venue... its still so fresh and vivid in my mind... its just unbelievable that another year has passed unknowingly... its really very very fast. Time is passing by, and my youth is slipping away. I may still look like a little girl... but actually im nearing mid twenties already. The thought of it is so scary! And thats the reason why im feeling emo recently. Im getting older, but things are still not getting better, dreams are still not fufilled, goals are still not reached, my resolutions are getting no where. Another year has been wasted away... and i dunno where i am heading... my future seems so uncertain. I try so hard not to think negatively but when darkness seeps in and im all alone in my room with summer... my thoughts will run wild and negativtity will set in. Nowadays, its so hard to put on a smile. To lighten things up... i shall write about Christmas party.  There were games in the noon... with dunking of shaving foam of each other and at night was dinner, followed by a short drama by my team which consists of Mal, Fuzhi, Yuling, Xh, Joseph, Me and 3 other Koreans. I have to say Fuzhi is very nice and he never fails to make me laugh. I had a good talk with him...  The drama our team has to act is Snow white and the 7 dwarfs. Mal and Fuzhi is really damn funny... I really laugh till my stomach pain.. My team won the prize. Hahas... then followed by Gift exchange... In the end i chose my own gift. Yes i know im a emo freak who always go against the rules. I dunno why... at that moment i just dun feel like exchanging my gift. Call me rebellious or stubborn... I really dunno why i did that. It was a "at-that-moment" feeling.

Talking about this, im very angry with myself for showing attitude to Cindy. Damn it! Why the hell i did that to someone i so loved and respect... She has a very impt place in my heart and her words mean alot to me. But whatever it may be, i know she's just kidding but i can't help feeling upset. My throat was pain and i was literally choking on my tears. U see, Im so tired of being myself. My emotions are always fluctuating and so hard to understand and I have no idea when it will overwhelm me. Before i can control my emotions, i make a wrong move and its too late. Fucked up. I hate myself for hurting pple i love. I probably should follow Dai Yang Tian in the channel 8 9pm drama... slapped myself till my cheeks become swollen cos I hurt the person close to my heart. Damn, Im feeling really moody now. And the heavy rain outside make me worse. I hate rainy days... I just feel like hiding under my blanket and cry myself to sleep.

Im in LOVE with him :)

His name is Haruma Miura. He's really cute and charming!!

The movies that I saw Him in are:

Sky of Love Koizora

Crows Zero II

and Gokusen The movie, after which made me hooked on watching Gokusen III online.

Just a random post... as im using internet at the departure hall.

Alright... Need to go now.. flying to taiwan now....... bye!!